like a circle

hey , i feel something weird for this day .
i get a shock , but when he whisper it , i just laughed , i don't know why i'm laughed that big .
i just a shocked , when he get back , i just sit , silent , get my lunch to the kitchen , eat it and cry .
why it's me ? why it's my fam ? why god ?
but i wake up , i know this just procces not final , i can change it .
then i cry , too hard , and tired .. just fall in the bed and i sleep , just hope it's a dream .
but tenot it's real =.=
and talk to my mom , just tell her everything ..
i don't want to get back my father , it's so cruel .
i'm a bad person ? who don't want to get a real my father ? it's too hard .
i not hate it but i'm realy realy happy and thank to god to make me life with mom , yonger sist and younger brother .
it's enough for me , i don't want more , i don't need again a man for this fam .
a man who may protect this fam , i can do it ! man who may a give some money for our life ? i can do it too!!
it's so cruel when my father hug me and whisper " i want back to your mom , i want closer again "
i'm laughed but this heart going to be hurt more *aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa .
a dozen year living without him , and now ?
i know my mom married again with another man , but it's oke , i can accept my new daddy, even though my mom divorse with him now, but i'm really love my new daddy , i respect him really really respect him more than my father , cus he treat me well he treat my younger brother sister well , and make my mom have happy life but now , it's fine to life without dad , or father .
i respect my father, i always meet him , and i loved him , but back to this family again??
i think it's not a good idea .
i just want life with my fam like now , i'm happy and thank to god :)
sometimes i just want everybody who know my fam just leave silently :')